Tattoos
You know that cute little tattoo you got in college? Or how about the tattoo you got to commemorate a lost loved one? Well, Leviticus 19:28 explains, “You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.” And no, it doesn’t matter if you donate to charity, it is a sin.
Tattoos
Eating “Good” Food
If you open up your Bible to Leviticus 3:17, “It shall be a perpetual statute for your generations throughout all your dwellings, that you eat neither fat nor blood.” Technically, this means no more cheeseburgers – this one’s a tough one to digest.
Eating Good Food
Divorce in Any Circumstance
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 reads, “The wife should not separate from her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife”. There is little to no wiggle room in that passage for cheating, abuse, lying, or any other rational reason to leave your modern partner. The Bible DOES say that if the wife DOES leave her husband then she must remain unmarried for the rest of her life unless she chooses to go back to her husband.
Divorce in Any Circumstance
Buzzed Haircuts & Beard Trimming
Leviticus says, “You shall not round off the side-growth of your head.” Buzzing the side of your head is a popular fashion style right now for men and women alike and it is something of a timeless look. Let’s look past the haircut and let our eyes trail down to beards. Leviticus 19:27 continues, “Neither shalt though mar the corners of they beard” which spells doom for almost all of us men out here.
Buzzed Haircuts & Beard Trimming
Working on the Weekend
Have you ever stopped to wonder why most 9 – 5 jobs include weekends off? You thought maybe it was due to government regulations or some such but that’s not it. Exodus 31:14 – 15 is very clear on the manner of working on the sabbath stating, “You shall keep the sabbath therefore; for it is holy unto you: every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: any work therein, that soul shall be cut off from among his people. Six days may work be done but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest.”
Working on the Weekend
Wearing Fabric Blends
Leviticus 19:19 tells us, “You are to keep my statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.” I almost feel bad for every professional athlete in the world for breaking this statute.
Wearing Fabric Blends
Gossiping
Leviticus 19:16 puts the focus on shutting down gossip with some straightforward language, “Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people.” Does this mean you can’t talk about people anymore? Not exactly. You just have to tell it to their face directly.
Gossiping
Women Talking in Church
The Bible is pretty explicit on women speaking at all while in the Church. 1 Corinthians 14:34 says, “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.” As a feminist, I cannot openly support this decision but for those who do, I respect your decision to openly follow the Bible.
Women Talking in Church
American Football
Leviticus 11:7 – 8 goes like this, “You shall not eat any of their flesh (pigs), and you shall not touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you”. Try telling this to the NFL.
American Football
Hiring a Psychic
No matter where you stand on the reality of psychics, the bible is pretty explicit in its banning of the practice or utilization of the practice. Leviticus 19:31 reads “Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them.”
Hiring a Psychic
Consuming bacon
According to Leviticus 11:4 the consumption of bacon is expressly forbidden along with a host of other meats. Leviticus 11:4 states, “Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof”. Yes, that means no more bacon cheeseburgers however, give turkey bacon a try, it’s actually very nice.
Consuming bacon
Getting remarried
Mark 10:11-12 says, “Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.” This one is a little hard to swallow but people need to at least respect what is written and not pass judgement.
Getting Remarried
Homosexuality
Leviticus 18:22 says, “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” As LGBT rights come more into focus around the world we are interested to see if modern day theology backs away from this sort of thinking.
Homosexuality
Women dressing provocatively
1 Timothy 2:9 says, “I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety”. This may be hard for some women but that’s what it says.
Women dressing provocatively
Consuming Seafood
Leviticus 10-11 states, “And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the water, and of any living thing which is in the water, they shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh.” That takes Red Lobster off the menu then.
Consuming Seafood
Ripping your clothing
Leviticus 10:6 explicitly states, “Uncover not your head, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people.” I don’t know how anyone, let alone teenagers, will feel about this one.
Ripping Your Clothing
Women wearing jewelry
1 Timothy 2:9 reads, “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.” This one seems insane.
Women Wearing Jewelry
Masturbation
1 Corinthians 6:18 states, “Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” We won’t go into any detail here.
Masturbation
No Mike Tyson’s Here
Ahem, but what? If your husband is in a fight and as his wife, you step in and fight the other guy by grabbing his private parts well you’ve just committed a sin. Deuteronomy 25:11-12 states, “When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets Then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.”
No Mike Tyson’s Here
No Cursing, Kids
Kids say the darnest things, don’t they? Let’s just hope that your child doesn’t curse you because Exodus 21:17 states, “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.”
No Cursing, Kids
Before Marriage
In today’s society, it could be a bit more difficult to find a bride who is a virgin rather than not. However, according to Deuteronomy 22:20-21, “But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.”
Before Marriage
Liar, liar
Come on, you know this. No lying, people. Leviticus 19:11, “Do not steal. “Do not deceive or cheat one another.”
Liar, liar
From around the world with love
No matter where you are, you must treat your neighbors with respect, no matter where they are from. Be neighborly! “When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”
From Around The World With Love
Homeowners
I’m not so sure on this one but it says something about not owning your own home or not selling your own property? It isn’t so clear. Leviticus 25:23, “The land must never be sold on a permanent basis, for the land belongs to me. You are only foreigners and tenant farmers working for me.”
Home owner
No grape picking
Well if you’re ever at a vineyard, don’t touch the grapes a second time nor should you pick one up from the ground. Leviticus 19:10, “Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the foreigner. I am the Lord your God.”
No Grape Picking
Big no no
According to Leviticus 20:18, “If there is a man who lies with a menstruous woman and uncovers her nakedness, he has laid bare her flow, and she has exposed the flow of her blood; thus both of them shall be cut off from among their people.” (And no, we are not saying this happened with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, we just really love them and are so so sad they’re getting divorced.)
Big no no
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Always respect your elders! Always. Leviticus 19:32 states, “Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged.”
Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up
No Cow Tipping
Don’t touch unclean things…bad news for farmers? Leviticus 5:2 states, “If a soul touch any unclean thing, whether it be a carcase of an unclean beast, or a carcase of unclean cattle, or the carcase of unclean creeping things, and if it be hidden from him; he also shall be unclean, and guilty.”
No Cow Tipping
No Grudges
This is just good for the soul, people. Don’t be holding grudges. Leviticus 19:18 does say, “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people.”
No Grudges
No birds
This one is just good sense, don’t eat birds people, that’s just creepy. Leviticus 11:13–20, “These are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls; they shall not be eaten, they are an abomination: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the osprey, and the vulture, and the kite after his kind; every raven after his kind; and the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind, and the little owl, and the cormorant, and the great owl, and the swan, and the pelican, and the gier eagle, and the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat. All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you.”
No Birds
Crops
So don’t put two seeds in the same crop becase Leviticus 19:19 states, “Thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed.”
Crops
Four Legged Pets
According to Leviticus 11:27, you shouldn’t be eating doggies and kitties or any other animal that goes on all fours, “And whatsoever goeth upon his paws, among all manner of beasts that go on all four, those are unclean unto you: whoso toucheth their carcase shall be unclean until the even.”
Four Legged Pets
We Don’t Get It Either
Wait…less church is better for you? Leviticus 12:4–5 does state, “And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled. But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.”
We Don’t Get It Either
No Alcohol
No brainer but no alcohol in church. Leviticus 10:9, “Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die.”
No Alcohol
Say what now
Deuteronomy 23:1 reads (this is the God’s Word translation), “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.” So if you’ve been castrated or lost one or two balls to cancer, you can’t enter a church? Really?
Say What Now
Honey
So no honey? Leviticus 2:11 says, “Do not use yeast in preparing any of the grain offerings you present to the LORD, because no yeast or honey may be burned as a special gift presented to the LORD.”
Honey
Salt offerings
Failing to include salt in offerings to God is from Leviticus (2:13). That seems odd, no?
Salt Offerings
Salt offerings
Failing to include salt in offerings to God is from Leviticus (2:13). That seems odd, no?
Salt Offerings
Testimony
Failing to testify against any wrongdoing you’ve witnessed OR Failing to testify against any wrongdoing you’ve been told about (5:1). Come on, that’s obvious.
Testimony
Neighbors
Don’t ever be a bad neighbors. As it says, Deceiving a neighbour about something trusted to them (6:2).
Neighbors
